Andy Borgmann's Blog

Ok, some of you might have noticed I haven't blogged much recently. I am sorry. But the reason is because I have no integrity...

Any of my friends will tell you, before the Olympics started, I obnoxiously professed that as much as I loved the Olympics (and I do), I was planning on boycotting due to the fact that China should never have gotten the games due to there human rights violations and their inability to step into the 21st century. I kept saying, why not just have the next games in Tehran.

But my protest lasted literally 5 minutes. That's right. I have no integrity and I freely admit it. We were 5 minutes into the Opening Ceremony when I stepped up to the couch and gave in. And boy was it a great Olympics...

The opening ceremony was amazing. As someone who has put on psudeo-large events, I truly had an appreciation for what the Chinese pulled off. Sure it is easy when you essentially have a slave population, but nevertheless it was truly awe-inspiring and amazing.

One of my favorite parts was watching President Bush at the games. Say what you will about his politics, but it was nice to see our leader at the games, cheering for our athletes just as we all were.

Kerry Walsh & Misty May. What can I say, I am a sucker for skinny, flat-chested blonds with no butts. Put them in a bathing suit and have them compete for America's honor and I am in.

Nastia Liukin & Shawn Johnson. Take same principle of Kerry and Misty, remove the suits, put in leotards, and the same statement applies. Although I will only say that about Nastia as saying that for Shawn makes me a pedophile.

Michael Phelps I am sure is the biggest douche-bag in the history of all people. But I was cheering right alongside for the 8. The 4x100 medley and the 100m fly. The close finishes. Woah. Great, great stuff. (For evidence of Phelp's douche-baggery click here and advance to the 6:00 mark and watch until at least 6:45)

Bryan Clay. Amazing decathlete. Met him many a times as he went and trained at Azusa Pacific University. Great guy. Arguably the toughest sport and truest test of an athlete. And before you ask, no he wouldn't remember me, but I will always remember him.

Redeem Team. We are suppose to be good at Basketball. 2004 Athens was ridiculous. And although the gold medal game was closer than it should have been, I was proud that our Basketball team redeemed our reputation and our dominance.

I think the best moment was something everyone else missed. It was the quarterfinal game for Men's Indoor Volleyball against Serbia. It was one of the great competitions I have ever seen in my life. I am glad I stayed up to watch.

It was fun. DVR-ed almost everything I could. Averaged 20 hours a day. On days where I didn't have to be in the office early, I stayed up past 3 and 4 am to watch late night. Even Rowing - all the while thinking Lissa would be a better coxswain.¹

I even had what Nathan and I referred to as Olympic Configuration for the couches. Which really meant just bringing one closer to the table so we could eat and then fall asleep into the wee-hours of the morning.

Well it is over tonight. Back to normal life. Back to blogging. And waiting for London in 2012 - at least these games won't cause me to lose my integrity.² Now...bring on the Cubs vs. Rays/Angels World Series in October.

One of the greatest moments in a Presidntial Campaign happened last night and I am pretty sure we all missed it because we were watching Phelps get his 8th gold medal.

I am not really sure who "won" this discussion; Obama, McCain, and Warren for that matter all represented themselves beautifully. But I know with out a doubt, hands down who the losers were: James Dobson, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken, Bill Maher, and countless others.

Warren showed us what it truly means to be a patriotic American and to ask the tough questions that we aren't all going to agree on, but deserve to be discussed in a civil, mature, and respectful manner.

There was no "Stop Obama Expresses" allowed at Saddleback. There were no "Evil Neocon Bush Administrations." Simply tough, fair, and introspective questions for two people running for a very tough job.

In the opening segment Warren made the comment

I have to tell you upfront but both these guys are my friends. I don't happen to agree with everything either teach or believe, but they both care deeply about America. They're both Patriots and they have very different views on how America can be strengthened in America. We've got to learn to disagree with out demonizing each other and we need to restore civility. We need to restore civility in our civil discourse and that's the goal of the Saddleback Civil Forum.

Great job Rick! I am very proud of you. Great job!

I turned 26 yesterday. I deliberately waited to write this because I am not really a big birthday person. To prove this, I have spent three birthdays in my life where nobody I was with even knew it was my birthday. I am sure there is something psychologically wrong with me. This become all the more evident as I write...

I have always felt that dying on your birthday is one of the greatest achievements one could have - mainly because you really have no control over that and the odds are .273%¹ More on this later.

I once had a girlfriend who turned to me at dinner and said, "tell me something about you that nobody knows." Internally, I rolled my eyes and debated answering: 1.) I once shot a man in a hotel in Paris² or 2.) I always take my mobile into the bathroom with me when I am home alone.³ But I settled for neither and just responded, "you know, I am a pretty open person and there isn't much I don't share with everybody."⁴

Which brings me back to the dying. I have never shared this before, but for some time I have always had four fairly certain feelings about my death.

1. I will die before I am 40⁵
2. I will die in a plane accident
3. I will die while on the toliet⁶
4. There is a specific place on the back of my head that I feel will be penetrated causing my death.

I know. Weird. I told you something was wrong with me. But what if it were all true. What if I died before I was 40 while going to the bathroom on a plane because because something fell and penetrated my skull.

So what does this have to do with 26? Simple. Life is short. How would your life be different if you knew you were going to die by 40? Just because most of us will pass at 70 or 80 really isn't that different.

And while it is true I believe in life after death, it doesn't mean we shouldn't seize the stages of life we find ourselves in like they could be our last.

There is a saying Allen uses often, which is "pray like it all is up to God, and work like it is all up to you, and somewhere in between you'll end up alright." I think a similar statement could be applied to life. "Prepare to live forever, but live like it is your last, and somewhere in between you'll end up alright."

This is how I spent the entire week. Actually, check that, I am awake in this self-taken photo.¹ If you really want to know how I spent the week, I would be sleeping as well.

It's been a great and relaxing week! Now back to Atlanta tomorrow.

And for all of you who think I have become soft and now all parent-ey, I leave you with this. The Guide to Determine How Andy Likes Kids:

0-2 = Andy LOVES them - can't get enough of the babies
2-13 = Andy doesn't know what to do
13+ = Andy LOVES them again.

I am sure it won't apply to my own kids (at least I am hoping), and for now, since I have no kids, CJ and Andrea's are my default kids. I just don't want you to start thinking that I will like your kid just because I like CJ and Andrea's.

But if you still want a good laugh, watch this bit. It is hilarious for all my single friends out there. Best line in there (at the 1:46 mark): "I wanted to have kids really bad, then I had kids, turns out, I wanted to be an Uncle."
And for now, I love being Uncle Andy.

P.S. I did not check work e-mail once while on this trip.

Still on vacation. Still continuing the "light-hearted" themed blog posts.

One of the greatest parts about coming back to Fort Wayne from time to time is to see how the city grew and changed while I was gone. I was driving from CJ's to my Dad's yesterday and I came across something particularly odd.

I usually take the back country roads because County Line Road and Aboite Center are pretty hilly, which makes it a blast to drive. Aboite Center takes me past my old Middle and High School, but it also takes me past Eggeman Rd.

I used to run Eggeman when I was in Cross Country. Eggeman was great for one reason: it was exactly a mile long, thus a return trip was exactly 2 miles long.¹ However, Eggeman was awful for three reasons

1. It was a gravel road so I am pretty sure your lungs were cleaner after smoking a pack of cigarettes than compared to running the road.
2. There was no shade and it was always hotter than a Hell²
3. Since there was no pavement, running it just killed your legs

But it is point three that I found odd yesterday when I drove by. It appears they have put in a sidewalk along Eggeman Rd. Now, while I would have loved that for Cross Country, as a home-owning, taxpayer I have to admit I find that odd. Apparently the county decided the road was important enough to pave a sidewalk, but not important enough to pave the road itself.

C'est la vie dans Fort Wayne, IN

And P.S. yes I was nerdy enough to pull over and document the above photo.

I know, I know. I said I wasn't going to blog. But I decided to do a fun little post. I found this clip Carlos Mencia did on Vacation for the show we did on Saturday, and I thought I would shared. I particularly love the bit about how on vacation, women have a whole list of things to do, and men, well, men just want to do nothing.

The nice thing about the vacation I am on right now is that I have done exactly what I wanted to do: nothing. In two days, I have literally taken four naps. I plop Asher on my chest, and then we both sleep for a few hours. Wake up. Eat. Then we go right back to sleep. I am living the life of a baby and I love it.

Andrea's been cool enough and let me hog Asher so far and we have had a great time.

Well that's it. Maybe another fun post coming later this week.

And P.S. I have not checked work e-mail yet at all. Take that all you said I wouldn't do it.

February 10, 2006. I remember just clearing security at Sydney's airport heading to my gate. I was about to board a 13 hour flight back to the States. And there it was, a computer...

I promised myself that I would not check e-mail for my entire 12 day journey down under. And I had done it!

It was the first 12 days I had gone with out checking e-mail since probably 1995. I remember sitting down in front of the computer at the airport café and feeling almost violated. It was like something was pulling me from a joyous, stress-free environment, back into the hustle of everyday life. I haven't left that hustle for almost two and half years.

July 27, 2008. For the first time in 2 years and 24 weeks, I am going on a real vacation. Not taking a laptop. Not taking a small to-do list. Not doing anything.

I am going to visit loved ones in Fort Wayne. I am going to hold Asher for the first time. And I am going to hopefully not drive myself crazy out of boredom.¹

I have to admit, I am a little scared. I am not sure if I am going to make it. But I got everything done for the next two weeks and there should be no problems. Everything else can wait.

If anybody is in Fort Wayne, give me a ring on the mobile² and I'd love to meet up. To the rest of you...see you in 7 days! I will not be blogging.³

P.S. Too all my law school law graduates lawyer friends who are taking the Bar on Tuesday and Wednesday, congradulations. I am very proud of each of you. I know the Bar is hell, but you are almost done. If any of you are in Fort Wayne,⁴ I'll buy you a drink at Columbia Street.⁵ For the rest of you, I'll buy you a drink the next time I see you. Congrats, you now officially can hold it over my head that you are an attorney, and I am not

So do you think my computer will get lonely at the office?

My freshman year of college I took Psychology of Religion. It was one of the greatest classes I ever took. It assigned two books. One was my favorite book of all time, Sheldon Vanauken's A Severe Mercy. The other, a book by Erich Fromm, To Have or To Be.

Fromm's book had an interesting premise. He position was that a century ago we were a "being" culture. 100 years and an industrial revolution later, we are now a "having" culture.

One classic example was how a century ago, when referencing marriages, men would say that they are a husband or that they are married. Now, Fromm says, men have a wife. We went from a state of existence to a state of possession.

Same rings true with children and jobs and hobbies and pretty much everything.

And the problem is much larger than just a semantic one.

When I was in 7th grade I took French. The first verb I learned was être - "to be." The second verb I learned was aller - "to go." The third verb I learned was avoir - "to have."

It was far more important for me to know Je suis Américain² before I learned J'ai une voiture.³

Why? Because even at the core of language, being and existing is more fundamental to our human experience than having and owning.

The problem is that in our increasing materialistic world the inverse seems to be true.

Fromm explains the rise in divorce as one of an identity crisis. If marriages are possessions, then like all possessions, when we tire of the marriage we drop it for a new one. As apposed to the idea that if at our core, our existence is tied to that marriage, to drop the marriage would be to drop one's existence - which we would be far less inclined to do.

It truly is a challenge to overcome the social pressure of the "having" culture - and it doesn't get easier with age. I find myself comparing myself to the neighbors and friends far more than I ever did before.

Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly." I think that is a sentiment Fromm would agree with, and one I should pay more attention to.

Nathan and I went swimming yesterday. Came home. Decided we were hungry. I realized I had no hamburger in the house, so we had to go to the store. I walk out to back my car out of the garage and bam! The picture to the left is what I saw. My neighbor had parked his truck in front of my driveway so I couldn't get out.

And scene:

Andy: (walk over to neighbor's and spots him) "Is this your truck"

Neighbor: "I figured that would get your attention"

Andy: "Can you please move your truck"

Neighbor: "Nope"

Andy: "Can I ask why not?"

Neighbor: "Because your friend is parked in front of my house"¹

Andy: "It's a public street and she is breaking no rules parking there"

Neighbor: "That's not true. It is our space in front of the house"

Andy: "I have reviewed the neighborhood association rules and it states this is a public street and anyone can park anywhere"

Neighbor: "Well, I am an owner of a dealership, maybe I'll just bring a bunch of cars from the dealership and park all over the place"

Andy: "You would be free to do that, like I said, it is a public street. Now can you please move your truck"

Neighbor: "No, it is our space. I'll move my truck when she moves her car."

Andy: "First of all, she isn't here, she left with my roomatte. Second of all, no it isn't your space. I talked with my attorney² and it is not your space"

Neighbor: "Ohh you talked to your attorney, well, sue me!" (neighbor begins to walk inside and makes no indication he is going to move his truck from blocking my driveway)

Andy: (dials 911)

911: "911 Emergency what is the situation..."

So, I explain to the 911 operator what is going and she says a police officer will be right there.

In the middle of the conversation with the operator I realized that I hadn't taken a picture of the offense and I see the neighbor coming back out with a key. The 911 Operator was still not ready to hang up, but I couldn't take a picture with out getting off the phone.

So to buy some time I say to the neighbor, who is now walking towards the truck:

Andy: "ohh so now you are going to move your truck. Now that I have called the police."

Neighbor: "I didn't say I was going to move my truck."

Andy: "then why is your key in your hand?"

All the while the 911 Operator: "Sir! Sir! Do NOT escalate the situation. Do not escalate the situation. Wait for the police officers."

But the plan worked as the neighbor didn't move his car until after I got off the phone and took the above picture.

The Police came (3 actually). I explained the situation and apologized for having to bring them out for such a petty thing, but he refused to move his truck so I had no option.

My favorite part was when the police officers started to walk towards him, he acts like he is waxing his car, and responds "We don't have a problem here. Everything is resolved."

I explained to the Police Officers that not everything is resolved and I would like a Law Enforcement Officer to remind the guy that this is a public street and they have no ownership of the space in front.

The Police Officer then shared with me that what the neighbor was doing wasn't just against Homeowner Policy, but that it was against Roswell City Law as a car cannot park anywhere for more than 10 hours in one spot.

Anyways...they explained the law and situation and hopefully we won't have anymore problems.³

But here's my question: was I wrong in doing this? Should I have turned the other cheek? There is a bit more of a back story to this, as people don't just park cars in front of driveways and other people just don't call the cops. But you get the basics.

Gotta love living in the burbs!

P.S. If you don't get the title reference, I have attached a video of Klondike Bar's most recent ad campaign. This blog title actually came out of the fact I went to the grocery story after this whole deal and I saw Klondike bar's in the freezer and said to my friends who were with me, "Hey Andy, you just called the cops on your neighbor, you deserve a Klondike bar..." We laughed.

Since January, people always come up / email / send messenger pigeon to me saying, "can you believe Allen became Catholic." And I always say, "for those of us who know Allen, it really wasn't that much of a surprise." And I can attest that since becoming Catholic, not much has changed.¹

One thing that has changed: Allen has increased his use of the phrase the "seven deadly sins" exactly² 834%.

The seven deadly sins make for a great movie³ but awful theology. The ranking of sin itself is determinental to a true understanding of grace and redemption.

The Catholic church has taught for years there are two categories of sins: venial and mortal. Venial being your light everyday sin that must be easy for God to forgive.⁴ Mortal, or deadly, being the stuff God must have to work at to forgive you.⁵

But it isn't just the Catholics. We all do it. Please rank with your best Protestant Theology from most to least likely to be shamed.

1. Worked everyday of the week
2. Looked at pornography
3. Thought of myself better than the homeless man
4. Lied to a friend about plans
5. Cheated on a spouse
6. Used the words God Damn It
7. Disrespected a parent on national radio
8. Downloaded MP3s illegally
9. Used Ecstasy recreationally

My guess is you would rank it: 5-9-2-7-4-6-3-8-1

If I came to you and said, "hey, I was just really busy this last week. Boss really riding me. Worked every single day of the week." Would you even think there was anything wrong with that?

Now let's say I cheat on my wife.⁶  Now let's say I regularly sleep with my girlfriend.⁷ Now let's say I came to you and said, "hey, for the last five years I have had a sex buddy. We have no real relationship, but you know, we both have needs, and we both get pretty stressed out, so you know, from time to time we are 'friends with benefits'." Tell me you would not think differently in this case?

The point. We all rank sin. But does God?

The way I read it, there is no goody-two-shoes in the Bible.⁸

Paul, killed thousands.

Peter, denied his relationship to Jesus when Jesus needed him the most.

David, slept with Bathsheba, tried to cover it up, murdered her husband.

Abraham prostituted his wife for safety.

Name one person in the Bible who actually lives up to a sanctified life.

Heck, even sweet Ruth seduced Boaz on the threshing floor.

Do any of these sound like your pastor? Better yet, let's say your pastor did any of this, do you think he would keep his leadership position?

The modern Church has missed out on being apart of the story of redemption and grace for thousands of years. And it is all due to the fact we have an erroneous, sanitized view of redemption and it starts with the ranking of sin.